pixeled joy!

May 25th, 2006

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pictures! well, those that weren’t sadly lost…anyway, reload for a random image of joy!

(we shall try to update images as often as possible, but internet truly is a luxury on this trip…)

(also, look below for new posts and such. yep yep. sleep is for the weak!)

l.a and pacific, ahoy!

May 25th, 2006

so its 2:14AM in LA and everyone is asleep. this road trip really has gotton us all on a nice sleep schedule.

anyway. LA is an interesting city. it’s huge, you could easily 10 boston’s within it’s wide reach.


went to the getty museum today, which was quite beautiful and interesting. it’s free, but you have to pay for parking. and then, once parked, you have to take this simple mono-rail up to the top of a hill where the museum is situated (the reason for this, supposidely, is to create the idea that you are leaving your everday world). the view from on top of the hill was stunning, you could almost see all of LA, almost…the smog kind of limited your view.


what was more interesting was the layout of the museum. its probably one of the most beautiful museums i’ve ever seen. there are four main wings, surrounding a beautiful man made pond. and right outside it is a wide, open garden with waterfalls and well blossoming trees.

basically, walking around the museum reminded me of playing the game myst.

after the museum we drove to venice beach for fun. quoting monica, one of our lovely hosts “venice beach is where you find cheap food and tons of fucking weird people.” so of course, a perfect fit.

the beach was amazingly beautiful, it was nice, and kind of scary to realize that we finally made it to the pacific. we picked up some cheap pizza and some beer and sat on the side people watching.


homeless people here really put those in nyc to shame. they dress far nicer, have far better beards and they all seem to be one happy family. they all pass eachother by, slapping hands, playing music or even do a little jig with one another. quite heart-warming. anyway, eventually after a while we decided it was time to conquer the pacific and ran into it.


we kept this up for around 2 hours. for some reason its amazingly fun to get beaten up by huge waves. sadly though, during our fun we didn’t realize the true power of the ocean and 1 pair of sunglasses, 2 cellphones and a frisbee were given an icy at-sea burial. the ocean, she’s a harsh killer.

after realizing that salt water truly doesn’t satisfy one’s thurst we walked over to a nice cafe, sat out on the terrace, drank two pitchers of beer and ate some nachos. we talked to an interesting shop worker from texas, and jeremy attempted to flirt with the waiter. while we ate a man was playing a guitar while a homeless man with a huge beard accompanied him,


not with singing, but with random moaning. jesse, upon hearing this, jumped up and did a dueling moaning sort-of-thing. eh, here, movies speak loader than words.

once that was complete, we drove into downtown LA, hit up a in-and-out burger (damn good food), got lost, drove around some more, and returned back to our lovely hosts.

wow. quite the post. probably should sleep, quite the drive tomorrow up route 1 to san fran.

since we lost the images from arches, bryce and such. we must continue onwards.

also, since its late and i can’t sleep, here, a tour of what we’ve done so far!

zion national park!

tons of driving!

grand canyon!

more driving!

las vegas!

more more driving!

los angeles!

and now you are all up to date. and i should probably try to sleep some…

alas, the pacific!

May 24th, 2006

we finally made it to the pacific!

currently, we are in los angeles, staying at a very nice apartment.
outside an old lady is blasting the whole lou bega album.
it is amazingly absurd.
it is also amazingly painful.

more later!

Who is Danny Gans?

May 24th, 2006

I’m not sure either. We were in Vegas last night, and we saw huge posters everywhere that said “DANNY GANS ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR”. That’s all they said!

What does that mean? How does he entertain? Social scientists that we are, we pondered the question for some time. We figured out that the show would go something like this:

  1. Danny Gans walks out on stage
  2. He takes a bow
  3. Something happens
  4. He says, “Thank you, goodnight!” and walks off

(Side note: apparently as we drunkly traversed the strip, I put a lot of emphasis on the last point)

So point 3, clearly this is where the excitement would happen. At first we thought he would just introduce himself and then walk off. Then we (okay, I) thought it might involve Danny Gans’ junk, so I’m not going to go into greater detail on that line of thought.

Our dreams were shattered when we found out he did impersonations. What BS! I haven’t googled him, maybe you will. I think I will just forget about this Danny Gans once I finish this post. Vegas is a trip, quite literally for some, and I had about enough in my one night there.

Now I’m in LA, another strange and interesting place. We’ve got wireless here, which is a real treat, but at 1:30AM here, it’s in the wee hours back in NY, and there’s no one to talk to!

So bye for now. We have a lot of Pacific to see.

Jerky: Tasty

May 22nd, 2006

Everyone here seems to think I have been buying a lot of beef jerky. I’m going to appeal to the readers of We, Burning Giraffes because I am at 2 bags of jerky so far, and frankly that is not very much. So there.

Right now we are driving on I-15 in southern Nevada. Every day we get some new kind of terrain; right now I have low grey mountains on my left, yellow hills on my near right, and low red mountains on my right in the distance.

We’re currently driving through an Indian reservation. I’m not sure how the government convinced the Indians it was a good idea for them to have an interstate highway running through their territory. The highway is working out well for us so far, but I doubt the Indians were happy about it.

Next post soon. The bad news is that we lost the digital pictures from the first few days of the trip (Canon makes BAD software) but with our newfound experience we won’t let this happen again. Farewell!

A couple of observations

May 21st, 2006

1. many young couples with children. In nyc and such, its common to see 29 year old couples without a child, but throughout our trip, I have constantly seen married couples probably not that much older than us (actually, Jeremy and I swear that we saw some younger than us) walking around with one or two little blonde bundles of Aryan joy. Which brings us to the second observation.

2. Mormans! Everywhere! The girls are pretty, but they reek of danger! But aye, this is morman country, especially utah. I’ve been reading the morman bible recently, picked it up for free at a random gas station for free. Did you know that when you and your wife die, you go up to heaven, fornicate and your children fall down like stars and populate a new planet in the universe??? Quite the religion! Anyway, lets continue with a story! So the roads on this journey are never-ending. Complete with merely one lane, surrounded by rolling plains and ever-present mountain ranges. Its quite intense. Every once and a while we will pass a couple of houses and a gas station, which out here are called towns. Some of the towns are in shambles with tiny houses with small drive ways containing multiple broken chevy trucks. It’s odd, you’ll stop at these desolate places and then you’ll realize that they are surrounded by these majestic mountains and bright royal blue skies…quite the juxtaposition! Anyway, the story. So we stopped at one of these random towns to fuel up the minivan (whom we’ve yet to name by the by) and we ran into the county store to grab some random food. We go up to the cash register, which is plastered with wedding invitations to morman marriages (again, they look so damn young). The clerk at the counter must not be older than 12 years old (who charged me $1.27 for a $1 apple and a 67 cent candy bar…morman math, its mysterious). Jeremy looks at him, nods, looks at the wedding invitation and says out loud “they must have cropped out his other seven wives”. The clerk didn’t laugh. He stared blankly at Jeremy. Then he stabbed Jeremy in the left nipple. Two of those statements are true, one is a lie.

3. Inflatable bed mats, despite the warning on the box, can be used quite successfully as flotation devices. (Especially when taken down mini rabids)

4. Some park rangers are hot, others are feisty, some are both.

5. The minivan’s top speed is 85, after that it shakes like a wet porcupine.

6. Very few teenagers go to nat’l parks. The two main age groups are old retired individuals and young morman couples. (ok, not always morman, but they are everywhere!)

7. Native Americans are no more.

8. RV’s are everywhere. It seems many families buy RV’s and just take them out to one of the countless beautiful parks.

9. I have yet to read one page of the multiple books I have brought on this trip.

10. Jesse looks sexy, hiking in girl pants.

11. I’VE SEEN SO MANY GOOD FUCKING MOUSTACHES!!!!

Mule Time

May 21st, 2006

Hello everyone, we have just arrived in Arizona. We are on our way to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. My plan is that we rent a mule and befriend him. I figure we will take the mule with us to the base of the canyon and spend the night there. Other people seem to think it is unreasonable that we would befriend the mule. I think that is rediculous.

In other news, we got the drivers for Ethan’s digital camera installed, so perhaps we will upload some pictures soon. Yesterday we saw Bryce Canyon national park, and today we went to Zion. Both wonderful!

That’s all for now. Farewell!

“This is zombie country,” Ethan says, as we drive through rural southern Utah, surrounded on all sides by flat desolate plains and rolling hills pines off in the distance. “If there were zombies here, we could totally get away, the only problem is food.”

It’s day three, and what a grizzly three days it has been. Two deaths from cholera and one fatal snakebite, this caravan is thinning out like an anorexic teenager trying to fit in her prom dress. The major players are still kicking though; Josh, Jeremy, Ethan, Sacarny and I (Jesse) are in this to the end, June 16th, or whenever this terrible beast of an automobile takes us careening off the edge of the coast.

The brakes squeal like a stuck pig and the alignment is likened to that of a vertigo-ridden zombie, but the silver ‘05 dodge caravan we rented from Enterprise is still running. We’ve swam, hiked, skidded, flown, slithered, walked, driven and skateboarded our way to Zion National Park, our next stop on this 28 day gauntlet we are calling a road trip. So far we have visited two states, four national parks, five gas stations, two RV camps, one Wal-Mart (probably the most terrifying place I’ve ever been), a few sketchy truck stops, a gaggle of towns with names like “Hanksville”, and a whole bunch of other shit. Mountains from beer commercials and rocks from Mountain Dew commercials have left me with an awkward feeling of awe and guilt. The awe comes from these god-like structures that seem to have no purpose other than to put us in our place and make us wet ourselves. The guilt lies in the fact that these are some of the most beautiful landscapes in this country, and although they are breathtaking, I’ve seen them all before. Television and magazines and famous paintings has taken away all of the surprise, like seeing all the Christmas presents the night before, and masturbating before being devirginized—the surprise isn’t as potent. But I digress; these natural wonders are astonishing. And these long-ass drives through the country are fucking crazy. They are all the cowboy and post-apocalyptic movies I have ever seen, rolled into one. I have much more to say, but not right now, it’s time to give this shitty SONY laptop to somebody else before the fucker melts the flesh off my hand (the fan must be busted.) Maybe there will be pictures up soon? Who knows? It’s not my department. Keep doing your boring summer plans; we’ll do ours.
-jesse

oh, and here are ethan’s 3 key elements to Zombie survival:
1) get away from large human population
2) adequate hiding space/wide open plains
3) easy access to food and water

Goldberg Says Hi

May 19th, 2006

Goldberg is swinging from a rope. The rope keeps a carving of a dead monkey hanging from the rearview mirror. Hello from Moab, Utah.

We got into Denver yesterday and made our way to the Enterprise rental company, located 40 minutes outside the city. We made friends with the rental agent, but he wouldn’t accept our tip (he did halfheartedly sign our contract.) I don’t think the company knows what they are in for.

We stopped at Walmart and stocked up, stocked up big time and really enjoyed the perpetual low prices. Woot. Then a wonderful and glorious long drive West on I-70 through Colorado. We passed through the Rockies, and Ethan said he tapped them last night in a dream. They are snow capped for sure.

There is an elevated section of 70 that parallels the Colorado river. On both sides are these huge rock mountain things. It’s like you are in a canyon. I think the rest of the guys took a lot of pictures. The colors were surreal, particularly through Jeremy’s amber sunglasses, which exaggerated the occasional greenery against the red rocks.

We made it to the area near Arches Nat’l Park last night and somehow managed to cook some food and set up the tent in the dark. This morning we packed up and headed to Arches for real. Arches btw has its name because it is just full of arch shaped rock formations.

We drove most of the way in, then took a 2 mile (9 mile?) hike towards one of the nice arches. This was taxing on my little unfit body, but I made it all the way through the hike. At the end is a huge arch overlooking a massive canyon. I made a sort of yelp when it came into my view.

After that we peepers found a muddy stream, and I watched everyone jump in. We just spent some time in Moab, and now we are headed back to I-70 towards Bryce Canyon. Farewell!